Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
LMAO .... I tried that down thge pub last night, with good results. Have 30 days free on me :)
Two deaf people get married.During their first week of marriage,they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they cant see each other usin sign language.After several nites of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "honey", she signs. "why dont we agree on sum simple signals? For instance, at nite, if u wana have sex wiv me, reach ova and squeeze my left breast one tym.if u dont then reach ova and squeeze my rite breast one tym." the husband thinks this is a great idea and signs bk 2 his wife, "Great idea! Now if u wana have sex wiv me pull on my penis once if u dont want to have sex pull on my penis 100 tyms."
lmao......that's gotta be worth some membership :)